Thursday, December 18, 2003

Have you ever been curious as to what goes on during Dr. Sex' IM sessions? Well, here's your chance to take a peek into the weird wild and woolly world of sex therapy. The following transcripts are REAL-- names and places have been edited and changed, but for the most part the dialogues are REAL and have not been doctored (pardon the pun). The patients are REAL and the advice is REAL.

And now...


mcginty122: hello darling
boo: hello dear
mcginty122: how art thou?
boo: good
boo: I just ate at Rubios and it didnt feel like staying in me
mcginty122: are you feeling sick?
boo: no
boo: not anymore
mcginty122: gud
boo: yes
boo: i missed you what took you so long
mcginty122: sorry-- i can log in after you get back from lunch-- lately i've been getting sweated about IM
boo: oh ok
mcginty122: after 12 it's all clear but you never get back until 1pm
boo: im still your friend
mcginty122: thank u
mcginty122: im still your friend too
boo: can i ask you a gross ?
mcginty122: yes
boo: when you have runny poop
boo: what causes that
mcginty122: alcohol consumption
boo: really?
mcginty122: also: drinking coffee without having breakfast
boo: bingo
boo: on both counts
mcginty122: ewwww
boo: hahah
boo: yes
boo: i miss C
mcginty122: when do you see him next?
boo: how can you be charged with 7 counts of the same thing
boo: tommorrow
mcginty122: who's been charged?
boo: MJ
mcginty122: must be 7 different occasions
boo: oho
mcginty122: "Billie Jean is not my lover..."
boo: haha
boo: im glad we are friends
mcginty122: you make me blush
boo: no
boo: so what did you do last night
boo: did you watch OC'
mcginty122: no, i had to go out with my homeboy H and his friend I
mcginty122: we went to see some band at the El Rey
boo: were they good
mcginty122: they were ok
mcginty122: nothing to write home about
boo: oh
boo: how did you make plans with R
mcginty122: "I'm going to see a movie on Friday, let's go together" and she said "cool"
boo: good
boo: grab a drink after the movie
mcginty122: he he he
boo: for real
mcginty122: she likes hard alcohol, not beer- just like me... but we will probably just get stoned
boo: hang with her tonight
mcginty122: i will, for a little while-- I have to hang with my friend A because I promised her I would
boo: i want to see a picture of her
mcginty122: if i can find one
boo: ok
mcginty122: she's cute
boo: I bet
boo: she is white?
mcginty122: yes
mcginty122: blonde
boo: oh
mcginty122: short
mcginty122: nice figure
boo: stoner
boo: like you
mcginty122: oh yeah
mcginty122: and i think she is probably a wild cat in the sack, but that remains to be seen
boo: mmmm sex
boo: im an addict
mcginty122: so am i
mcginty122: but i've been cold turkey for some time
boo: poor C
mcginty122: what do you mean?
boo: i always want it
boo: from him
mcginty122: don't pity him
boo: he told me I was a nympho
mcginty122: you are
mcginty122: i can tell
boo: ho
boo: how
mcginty122: i just can tell-- don't ask me how I know, I just do
boo: ok
boo: i want to hurry and see C before my period comes
mcginty122: being in the red makes you hornier, no?
boo: yeah
mcginty122: see, i know what I'm talking about
boo: yes
boo: im late
mcginty122: for what?
boo: period
mcginty122: how late?
boo: a day or two
boo: no big deal
mcginty122: right-- if it's over 2 weeks late, then you worry
boo: right
boo: hi
mcginty122: hello
boo: he
boo: how many inches would two fists be
mcginty122: ?
mcginty122: are you talking length or circumference?
boo: length
mcginty122: two balled up fists side-by-side?
boo: on top of eachother
mcginty122: depends on the size of the hands-- I'd say between 10 and 12 inches-- is that what C be packin?
boo: yes
mcginty122: has he tagged you in the ass yet?
boo: nope
mcginty122: he will
boo: still his fingers
mcginty122: he's getting your ass warmed up for the big 10 incher
mcginty122: it takes a while to get the sphincter loose
boo: hahah really?
mcginty122: yep
mcginty122: mark my words
boo: do you have to be lying on yoru stomach for it to happen?
mcginty122: no
boo: can you be on your back
mcginty122: yes
mcginty122: there's no 'right' way to do it
mcginty122: you just do it
boo: one night I was really wet and he said it prob would have gone in just fine
mcginty122: he he he
mcginty122: have you ever had 10 inches of anything going up your ass?
boo: how would it have
boo: NO
mcginty122: you're going to be in for a nice surprise...
boo: it will hurt
mcginty122: maybe
boo: or feel good?
mcginty122: maybe
mcginty122: depends on you
mcginty122: that's why you need to go out and get a dildo
mcginty122: practice
boo: no way
mcginty122: get ready for the anal invasion
mcginty122: he will appreciate it
boo: i can tell him to stop on his way in if it hurts
boo: do you go in and out when you put it in
mcginty122: duh
mcginty122: of course-- it doesn't just sit there, lying still
boo: the tip hurts the worst?
mcginty122: i've never had anything up there, i don't know
boo: i know
mcginty122: you'd better buy a butt plug
boo: ill ask C he has done it with both his exes
mcginty122: probably-- guys with porno-size dicks usually like it anal because it's tighter-- just ask Kobe Bryant
boo: really
boo: i thinkhe is into it
mcginty122: think about it
mcginty122: he's getting you primed and prepped
mcginty122: it starts with a finger
mcginty122: then two
mcginty122: then three
boo: it has al;ready been 2
mcginty122: once you work your way up to three, your ass is his
mcginty122: literally
mcginty122: you might not be able to walk correctly for a day or two
mcginty122: i mean, 10 to 12 inches is pretty huge
mcginty122: what's the diameter of his cock?
boo: i dont knoe
mcginty122: how thick around is it?
boo: know
boo: how do i figure that out
mcginty122: you've held it, right?
boo: yes
boo: of course
mcginty122: does your hand go around it or not?
boo: umm
mcginty122: when you grip it, do your fingers touch your thumb?
boo: i cant touch my fingers
mcginty122: oh boy
boo: no
boo: shit
boo: I keep telling him he is huge and he doesnt beleive me
boo: he said it has shrunk
mcginty122: as you get older, the size goes down a tad
mcginty122: just a tad
boo: oh
boo: ewww
mcginty122: but your asshole is going to be gaping when he's done with you
boo: guess what happened
mcginty122: what?
boo: will it bleed
mcginty122: if he's not careful
mcginty122: what happened?
boo: a little while ago
boo: M called(C's ex remember)
boo: i told you about her right
boo: not babies mama
boo: hellooooooo
mcginty122: i'm here-- keep going
mcginty122: continue
boo: well she called and left him a message saying
boo: hi C, i cant beleive you didnt pick up the phone it is a first but i just want to tell you im moving out there in less than a year so keep that in the back of your head
mcginty122: she wants that big dick back
boo: what does that mean
mcginty122: you're going to have to fight her over that rattlesnake
boo: yeah but she is taller she would beat me
boo: what do I do
boo: she cant have him he is mine
mcginty122: maybe the two of you can share his cock-- i'm sure C would love that
boo: umm no
mcginty122: if he asked you to, would you have a 3some with him and her?
boo: hell no
boo: i would leave him if he asked me
mcginty122: but it's not like he doesn't have enough to go around
mcginty122: it's Christmas time
mcginty122: the season for sharing
boo: no
mcginty122: i get it-- you want it all for yourself
boo: yes
mcginty122: dick greed
boo: no i like him so much I would be so sad if he was chesating
boo: im so scared he will end up back with her
mcginty122: how old id their kid?
boo: whose kid
boo: she doesnt have a kid
mcginty122: who's the baby mama?
boo: L
boo: the baby is due in 3 weeks
mcginty122: you know Tom Leykis?
boo: yeah
mcginty122: call him and tell him about your situation-- he'll tell you to lose C
boo: he will
boo: why
mcginty122: he says that guys who date single mothers are doomed from the start, adn the same applies to single fathers as well.
boo: so im doomed b/c C is going to be a dad
mcginty122: with someone else's kid
mcginty122: someone has to lose out-- eitrher you, the mom, or the kid
mcginty122: who do you think will be the one to lose out the most?
boo: well it will be the babies mama
boo: and the kid
mcginty122: why do you think that?
boo: he cant stand L
boo: babies mama
boo: im scared though once baby comes everything will change
mcginty122: in the view of the COURTS, he's tied to her until that kid turns 18. She will most likely get custody, so he will have to pay for that kid, unless he becomes a deadbeat dad
mcginty122: if she is deemed 'unfit' then he gets custody but she will get visitation rights
boo: he'll pay
mcginty122: and then some
mcginty122: she will always be in the picture
boo: i know
mcginty122: if you can deal with that, then you are OK
boo: i am not threatened by her
boo: I mean im sure i might get jelous
boo: but it is M that bugs me
mcginty122: how long do you see yourself being with him?
boo: ?
mcginty122: do you think you ands C will date for years?
mcginty122: months?
mcginty122: weeks?
boo: hopefully years
boo: if it stays like this
mcginty122: more power to you
boo: who knows
boo: im prob stupid
boo: yes
mcginty122: we all are
boo: aww he jsut called
boo: to tell me he was thinking of me
boo: ok
boo: i need your help
mcginty122: with what?
boo: I need you to write me one of yoru master paices
mcginty122: why?
boo: b/c you write pretty
mcginty122: what do you want me to write?
boo: a letter
mcginty122: saying what?
boo: how much I have fallen for C and it makes no sense and i love ebing with him and i get excited to see him and i smile
mcginty122: you know, if C ever found out that I was writing these things, he'd be pissed
boo: yeha well if he found out i kissed B when we first started dating he would be pissed
mcginty122: love letters from a guy? he'd think i was a fag
boo: no
mcginty122: it's like if he was having phone sex with a guy and thought it was a girl-- if he knew the truth he'd be upset
boo: i know you are straight
mcginty122: i know that too, but does he?
boo: he wont know
mcginty122: it'll come out someday
mcginty122: it always does, on accident
boo: no
boo: come on
boo: i cheated on him and it will never come out
mcginty122: what does it tell you that I can write better love odes to him than you can?
mcginty122: i mean, if you really love him, you'd find the words
mcginty122: right?
boo's status is now "Available" (12/18/2003 2:31 PM)
boo: sorry
boo: well
mcginty122: its ok
boo: please
mcginty122: please what?
boo: write me the love letter
mcginty122: sorry, i feel all weird about it now
boo: cmom
boo: cmon for me I would od it for you
mcginty122: hahaha-- I don't need other people to write for me
mcginty122: i don't mean to be mean
boo: jsut please
mcginty122: i can't fight all of your battles for you
mcginty122: seriously
mcginty122: i love you and all, but put yourself in my shoes
mcginty122: for one second
boo: your not gay
mcginty122: that's not the issue
mcginty122: i don't care about that
boo: you write more eloquently
mcginty122: the point is, I want you for myself and yet I'm helping this guy who has kids all over the globe score with you
boo: all over the globe
boo: hahahahhahaa
mcginty122: and on other planets
boo: you dont want me you have R
mcginty122: all over the known galaxy
boo: puhlease just one on the way
mcginty122: what do i get out of it?
boo: my love
mcginty122: oh yeah, your love-- the same love you give to C
boo: the same you wanna give to R
mcginty122: yeah, but the diffrence is that if i want to write her a love poem, i use my own words
mcginty122: it makes it more special
boo: i know but please
mcginty122: he loves you-- anything you write will be fine
boo: jdsut this once Ill never ask you again
mcginty122: you WILL ask me again
boo: nope
mcginty122: don't you see that you're, in essence, LYING to C by asking me to do this?
boo: no im not
mcginty122: It's not from your heart
boo: yes it is
mcginty122: no, it's from MY heart
mcginty122: not yours
mcginty122: it's like taking a test-- if i answer all of your questions for you, did you really pass?
boo: fuck ok
boo: god
boo: are you my dad
mcginty122: i'm sorry, sweetie, but i can't hold your hand on this one
boo: i dont want you too
mcginty122: write him a letter and I'll check it for spelling
boo: hahahha
boo: i dont knwo how to start it
mcginty122: start by describing what he means to you
boo: what if he laughs
mcginty122: he won't, if he wants to tap that ass later
boo: and doesnt feel the same way
boo: im not seeing him till tommorrow
mcginty122: yeah right-- get real, he is sprung on you and you know it
boo: no
mcginty122: write hima sexy letter about how you want to put your hands around his cobra dick
boo: no
boo: im stuck im just staring
mcginty122: sexy letters work just as well
boo: at the screen
mcginty122: he'll start drooling
mcginty122: be naughty
boo: ok give me suggestions
boo: he'll think im a whore
mcginty122: no he won't-- he'll think you are super sexy
mcginty122: i'm a guy, trust me on this
mcginty122: all guys like it when their girls get nasty on them
mcginty122: unless they are gay
boo: C-

HI. Im at work very bored and im glad you jsut called becasue I was going to call you. The blood on my mouth this morning was from my chapped lips, gross huh? So it is Thursday and I wish it was Friday or yesterday b/c that means I would get to see you. I love seeing you. I love everything about our time together.
boo: now what
mcginty122: cut the part about the bloody mouth please
boo: heheh
boo: ok
boo: tell him things i love about him?
mcginty122: talk about the last time you two had sex-- describe how you felt when he did certain things to you
mcginty122: seriously, no joke
boo: sex will come later in the letter
mcginty122: fine, but don't forget to mention it
boo: first nice stuff
boo: i wont
boo: hello
mcginty122: yes?
boo: give me more suggestions
boo: i feel cheesy
boo: i put I lvoe how you make me laugh
mcginty122: that's good-- keep that train of thought going
boo: what is my next sentence
mcginty122: ugh
mcginty122: did you pass English at all?
boo: yes
boo: i went to NYU
mcginty122: and yet you're asking me, a guy who never went to college, how to write
boo: yeah
mcginty122: i'm glad i never went to college then
mcginty122: ok-- tell him that you think about him at certain moments of the day, then give an example
boo: i htink about him constatly
mcginty122: then SAY IT
boo: C-

HI. Im at work very bored and im glad you jsut called becasue I was going to call you. So it is Thursday and I wish it was Friday or yesterday b/c that means I would get to see you. I love seeing you. I love everything about our time together. Everything jsut kinda of stops when im with you and than when im not I find myself totally absorbed int houghts about you.
mcginty122: So far so good-- now get to the sex
boo: ok help me segway
mcginty122: you're already set-up-- just tell him about your fantasies when you think about him, how you want it all the time
boo: I think about how much fun I have with you and I run the times we have had over and over in my head.
boo: ok now
mcginty122: c'mon, sex it up
mcginty122: it won't be whore-ish i promise
boo: well write me a seway sentence
mcginty122: he'll fuck the living daylights out of you so hard after reading it
boo: ok give me some dirty sentences
mcginty122: Jesus Christ, I'm starting to think that he doesn't even exist
mcginty122: don't you ever talk dirty to him?
boo: hah
boo: ill send you a pic
mcginty122: while you're doing it?
mcginty122: surely you can come up with SOMETHING
boo: im too shy
mcginty122: bullshit!
boo: please
mcginty122: anything I say you will say "ewwww"
boo: he wont like a sex letter
mcginty122: come one, boo-- you can do this
mcginty122: i believe in you
mcginty122: go boo! go boo! go boo!
mcginty122: YAY!!!!
boo: somthing like i think about how everything weith you is different even the sex
mcginty122: that's a start-- keep it going
boo: ok
boo: I have never wanted someone sexually like I want you
boo: good?
mcginty122: yes, very
boo: ok now what
boo: give me a sentence
mcginty122: FINE-- since I'm going to lunch right now, I will give you ONE sentence-- are you ready?
boo: hah
boo: yes but then you got to coem back and read my letter
mcginty122: ok
mcginty122: here it is
mcginty122: "I can't stop thinking about the other night, how I could barely hold you in my hands... whatever you want me to do, I will do it, because i can't keep my hands off of you"
mcginty122: how's that?
boo: no
mcginty122: see? i knew you would be a prude about it
boo: hahah
mcginty122: I'll be back in an hour, ok?
boo: hurry
mcginty122: sure
boo: i love you
mcginty122: yeah yeah, i love you too...
boo: hey!

mcginty122 is now "Logged off"(12/18/2003 3:31 PM)